Kasih ibuku

Have you guys ever waking up in a morning and realizes that 'I dont have money! At all'?

And that's what happened to me. Ni kali ni macam patah dan kering sangat. Tak pernah sekering ini. The worst in my life la. Maybe punca utama dia sebab dental surgery hari tu la, im using all my savings. Like all of them. Lepas tu tiba -tiba pagi tadi telah dikejutkan dengan bil elektrik $740?! like what? kitorang semua macam saving gila pakai elektrik. Sampai tak pakai heater or dryer. Malam pakai lampu study je. Sedih gila la sekarang. And half of myself is thinking 'i'm still young, why do i need a massive thought about financial? I'm 22. Aw man'.

Tapi, maybe sekarang la kot umur memikirkan pasal duit? Entahlah kan. 

So i woke up, and terus post iklan to sell my bike. Sedihnya nak let go that one. It's a road bike. And i really love to ride a bike. Every single time. Tapi maybe dah tiba masanya. And then i start to walk around the house tengok apa lagi boleh jual. Polaroid? okay. Flute? Uh-uh not okay. I really love it. Printer? Im still use it. Raket tennis? Noooo. Keyboard? Dah lama jalan. What else what else?

So the last resort is, ibu. I'm really sorry, mum. Sebenarnya kakak taknak langsung pakai duit ibu selama belajar sini. Haritu dah lah duit bond. I feel so frustrated with myself for having to ask you. Memanglah dental surgery tu tak dapat dielakkan sebab memang perlu, tapi macam mana dengan benda benda lain yang aku dah beli yang tak ketahuan tu? Masa beli tak fikir sebab tengah ada duit kan. Contoh macam MASA games ke, tak payah main pun takpe. And performancer, tak payah beli pun takpe. And ect. Now, the parents have to pay the price for me having fun. I'm really sorry. Truly sorry.

And after email ibu, ibu macam terus tanya macam mana nak hantar duit pakai paypal ect, without asking anything. I feel soooo terharu macam tahap apa. And i know my mum is googling how to send it and stuff and everything. Sebak rasa. 

Ibu doakan lah kakak jadi engineer yang tebaik ke camane, murah rezeki and semua supaya kakak dapat balas balik semua ni. I love you to the moon, no to the neptune and pluto and back, and again and back. I really love you.

Sometimes, baguslah berada dalam keadaan sekarang, supaya aku sedar dimana diriku. And tiba - tiba terbaca dekat dinding roomate, ada postcard says:

"When going through a hardship, remind yourself that, when you first step in Jannah, you'll forget this all"

And other postcards say:

"If you are complaining that Allah is testing you too much, you're failing the test".

And

"He knows what we are about to tell Him, yet He still listens."

And

"You may lose all you have, you may lose the people you love, but as long as you still have Allah, you have all you need"

And

"Constantly thinking about someone is a sign of true love; So how often do you remember Allah?"

And tercelik sikit mata hatiku dan jiwa raga semua. Maafkan kekhilafan ku. Sebab kan diri sendiri punya kejahilan dalam berbelanja, orang lain yang pay the price.