Sahur yang sayu

4am

Waktu yang sangat sunyi. Waktu yang terbaik.

Terkenang banyak benda. Ibu dekat rumah. Ibu mesti dah bangun sekarang, sediakan sahur untuk adik and ayah. Adik, mesti muka mengantuk bangun sahur. Atau hyperactive? Boleh jadi jugak. Ikut angin dia lah sepoi sepoi bahasa ke angin monsun barat daya. Adik El? Entah bangun ke tak dia? Atau selalu sahur before tidur macam aku. Hehe. Tok and Chak? Chak mesti sediakan sahur untuk tok, chak letak nasi dengan lauk siap siap, air semua untuk tok makan, tok mesti makan sikit je, esoknya tok puasa la kalau larat kan. Chak buat apa buka apa eh bulan puasa?

Dulu masa aku kecik kecikb(sepanjang sekolah rendah before duduk asrama), masa tok sihat walafiat, bukak puasa memang meriah sangat. Bubur lambuk confirm ada sebab chak nak makan. Lepas tu hari hari berbukak menu lain lain, mana pernah ulang. Agar - agar confirm ada. Tok garang gila dulu. Garang sangat sangat. Dekat kampung tu kira orang tua yang paling garang. Tapi kitorang cucu dia boleh je ngada ngada dengan dia (bangga sangat dengan budak budak lain. Hahaha). Nak apa semua dapat. Time puasa, kalau aku confirm kuih lompang, adik, kuih tepung talam hijau. Mesti tok dapatkan. Mesti.

Before bukak puasa, radio perlis mesti putar music yang teneneng teneneneng tenenenengneng, teneneng teneneng teneneneng, teng teng teng teng teneneneneng, nenenenene neneneng. Okay aku je lah kot yang tahu muzik dia camana.

Rindu semua.

Yang Merindui,
Aku dan Kamu

Sayang

Sayang. Bukan tak sayang. 

Ini je. Takde 'tapi'.

Sentiasa sayang.

Harap kau sentiasa mengerti. 

Sincerely,
Me.....

Then...

Deep become deeper,

Dark become darker,

Heavy become heavier,

Sad become sadder,

Blur become blurrer.

I cant really see the future right now because of these teary eyes. Whatever, let me be this way, for a while. Until i feel better.

"Ya Allah, Engkau hanya menguji hambaMu dengan sesuatu yang mampu ditanggungnya, maka berikanlah hambaMu ini, kekuatan, untuk aku menanggungnya. Janganlah Kau tinggalkan aku keseorangan disini, meskipun telah banyak dosa yang ku lakukan, janganlah Kau berputus asa terhadapku, Forgive me Ya Allah ..." Amin.

Sincerely,
Liyana

Charm

Terima kasih.

So, i have decided, it's a goodluck charm. So that, whenever i feel down, i always know that i am something. Never a person without meaning.

Sincerely,
leenbean

I nak so-so life. Tak happy sangat tak sedih sangat. K?

Have you guys ever realized that 'what the yell is happening with my life?'

Macam kau rase kau tengah buat apa ni?

Macam apesal kau rasa terapung sangat ni? Hilang arah tuju.

Macam hidup kurang bermakna, kurang dekat mana?

Macam kau nak buat something yang kau betul betul suka, passionate, tapi apa bendanya? Tak jumpa lagi.

Macam kau nak establish la hidup kau ni, achieve the goal or something, but the thing is you dont even know what is your goal, yet.

Agaknya sebab cuti kot sekarang. Asyik happy je menjalani kehidupan yang ringan (takde uni, sahur, tidur, tengok cerita, jumpa kawan, bukak puasa, tarawikh, tidur-ringan habis).

To be honest, i dont really feel comfortable living in this kind of harmony life. Siapa taknak bila happy memanjang, travel all the times, tak payah pergi uni, tak payah risau itu ini. But, on top of those, i feel empty. My life is empty. I guess, i need the worriness. So that im on a track. The right track (amin). I need the sadness. So that it strengthens my grasp. I need the problems. So that at least, my brain is thinking of something. And, i do need a bit of love, happiness, joy, cheerful and passionate. So that i feel ALIVE.

By,

Liyana Wawahir

Just no #3

#3 Nothing. Enough with words. I just miss him.

It's like when you change the routine. How did you feel?

From,
Me love

Jang Ok Jung, Live in Love

Baru habis tengok Jang Ok Jung, Living in Love. Highly recommended. Eventhough dekat episode 18 to episode 21 macam hiccups sikit, but before and after that, macam awesome gila. Menangis - nangis kite tengok. Nasib baik, sekarang roomate takde kat rumah. Tengah tengok episode last kot. Sedih. Sob sob sob.

Tapi sebab munasabah untuk tengok cerita ini ialah pelakon dia cantik sangat! Dah girl crush dengan Kim Tae Hee. Lepas tu dengan Yoo Ah In pun sama. Dah la mata sebelah besar sebelah kecil. Hensom. Bye.

Kasih ibuku

Have you guys ever waking up in a morning and realizes that 'I dont have money! At all'?

And that's what happened to me. Ni kali ni macam patah dan kering sangat. Tak pernah sekering ini. The worst in my life la. Maybe punca utama dia sebab dental surgery hari tu la, im using all my savings. Like all of them. Lepas tu tiba -tiba pagi tadi telah dikejutkan dengan bil elektrik $740?! like what? kitorang semua macam saving gila pakai elektrik. Sampai tak pakai heater or dryer. Malam pakai lampu study je. Sedih gila la sekarang. And half of myself is thinking 'i'm still young, why do i need a massive thought about financial? I'm 22. Aw man'.

Tapi, maybe sekarang la kot umur memikirkan pasal duit? Entahlah kan. 

So i woke up, and terus post iklan to sell my bike. Sedihnya nak let go that one. It's a road bike. And i really love to ride a bike. Every single time. Tapi maybe dah tiba masanya. And then i start to walk around the house tengok apa lagi boleh jual. Polaroid? okay. Flute? Uh-uh not okay. I really love it. Printer? Im still use it. Raket tennis? Noooo. Keyboard? Dah lama jalan. What else what else?

So the last resort is, ibu. I'm really sorry, mum. Sebenarnya kakak taknak langsung pakai duit ibu selama belajar sini. Haritu dah lah duit bond. I feel so frustrated with myself for having to ask you. Memanglah dental surgery tu tak dapat dielakkan sebab memang perlu, tapi macam mana dengan benda benda lain yang aku dah beli yang tak ketahuan tu? Masa beli tak fikir sebab tengah ada duit kan. Contoh macam MASA games ke, tak payah main pun takpe. And performancer, tak payah beli pun takpe. And ect. Now, the parents have to pay the price for me having fun. I'm really sorry. Truly sorry.

And after email ibu, ibu macam terus tanya macam mana nak hantar duit pakai paypal ect, without asking anything. I feel soooo terharu macam tahap apa. And i know my mum is googling how to send it and stuff and everything. Sebak rasa. 

Ibu doakan lah kakak jadi engineer yang tebaik ke camane, murah rezeki and semua supaya kakak dapat balas balik semua ni. I love you to the moon, no to the neptune and pluto and back, and again and back. I really love you.

Sometimes, baguslah berada dalam keadaan sekarang, supaya aku sedar dimana diriku. And tiba - tiba terbaca dekat dinding roomate, ada postcard says:

"When going through a hardship, remind yourself that, when you first step in Jannah, you'll forget this all"

And other postcards say:

"If you are complaining that Allah is testing you too much, you're failing the test".

And

"He knows what we are about to tell Him, yet He still listens."

And

"You may lose all you have, you may lose the people you love, but as long as you still have Allah, you have all you need"

And

"Constantly thinking about someone is a sign of true love; So how often do you remember Allah?"

And tercelik sikit mata hatiku dan jiwa raga semua. Maafkan kekhilafan ku. Sebab kan diri sendiri punya kejahilan dalam berbelanja, orang lain yang pay the price. 

Rosy ta

Hai,

Sebelum tidur ingin kite kongsikan cerita pendek and tak penting. Sebenarnya boleh tweet je tapi annoying la tweet bebanyak sekali gus. Kan?

Aku ni takut kucing. Bukan la takut, macam kegelian sikit. Tak benci, tapi tak fond with cat la orang kata. Lepas tu bila dia lari-lari datang nak bergesel tu, spontaneous la aku macam ada renjatan elektrik. Alkisahnya seekor kucing nama Rosy telah pecah rekod semua kucing dengan melompat ke atas ribaku. 

Orang tengah sembang best - best tiba-tiba rasa macam ada something dah dekat riba. Apa lagi, terkena mini heart attack la. Aku. Dan kucing tu. Lepas tu aku rasa kesian la kucing tu sebab aku terjerit kecil tapi decibel dia cukupla untuk bagi dia trauma ke apa. Hopefully dia kucing yang tabah. Maafkan diriku, Rosy. Tadi dah mintak maaf dah dengan menuang friskies dalam mangkuk dia. Walaupun takut takut berani, tapi aku buat jugak tau Rosy sebab nak mintak maaf. Lepas ni janji, i'll try to be cool around you. No more awkward eh eh. Good cat. Love ya.

Perasaan untuk hari ini

Hi.

You know what, I'm someone who is so honest with my feelings, and I'm proud of that. Really proud of that. Because, I know how hard it is for people who can't express their feelings or be honest with their feelings.

And yeah I'm proud to say that, I always know what I felt, and I always know what I want ( yeah sometimes I've that moment when I thought I don't know what I want. But actually, I don't know that I know what I want, understand me?)

So, I just want to tell you that, dalam dua tiga hari ni, my life do feel empty. :(

Im not going to tell

I need to write this down. Seriously. Haha. I know ive swear that i want to be a positive writer, but the yell with that, im going to do this.

I really need to rethink and recount all the people around me that can be trusted. Seriously, not all people really care about your stories/problems. Some of them are just pretending to be a good listener, shoulder to cry on, the ears, but then BAM! 

-they are just trying to take an advantage upon your downfall. Im not trying to be the mr-half-glass-is-empty here, but its hurt seeing you've been stepped by someone that you thought you could trust that person, but you've never been so wrong in your life.

Being open about yourself is a blind mistake ive made. So that's it. No new people are going to hear my problem or whatsoever 'chest tresures' of mine anymore. Hmh

Future endeavor

Hey...

Did you know when you have said 'this is the worst moment in my life'? It's wrong. There is always the worse than what you've felt, in the future. 

That's life.

I'm scared of the future. But those who are living in the fear of future would never move forward. Come whatever, i'll face everything. I'm not afraid of being hurt. Because, i always have Allah SWT. 

Forgive me Ya Allah, for everything...

"Turn to Allah, He's never far away, put your trust in Him, raise your hands and pray, o' Ya Allah, guide my step and don't let me go astray, cuz you're the only one can show me the way."