Stockholm Syndrome, Me?

My friend said, I have a Stockholm syndrome:

(1) condition that causes hostages to develop a psychological alliance with their captors as a survival strategy during captivity.

(2) Strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other.

I think, ada benarnya dia. Macam mana the abusee pula boleh kesian dengan abuser. Abusee pulak minta maaf bertalu talu dengan abuser. And hope so much for forgiveness. This is wrong (memang lah tak salah minta maaf, tapi it is just weird).

So how to escape from this syndrome tho?

My friend also said, I must do something to help the "future-me". Try to think from other's perspective. Sebab selalunya kita boleh beri nasihat yang bernas pada orang lain tapi bukan diri sendiri. Sebab kita tak terikat dengan emosi sendiri bila beri nasihat pada orang. So try to give an advise to your self for the sake of "future you".

Yeah i know it sounds complicated. But why the hell we have brain if we are not using it wisely.

Always A Fighter.

Today, I must be so sad that I wrote 3 posts in one day.

Well, to describe this heartache, I feel like this feeling is so familiar. I've tasted this before. But how come every time, it still hurt? I should be immune by now. I should be stronger. Kan?

After being wrapped with this heavy feeling for one day, I've come to realize about several things:

One:

We can't control how other people is going to hurt us. Nothing can be done. If the person wants to hurt us, either way, the person will eventually hurt us. So let it go. Sesetengah perkara, serahkan pada Dia. Dia yg paling tahu apa yang terbaik untuk setiap hambaNya. Kita? Jaga diri kita je dah la. Jaga perlakuan kita. We feel hurt? Don't hurt the person back. TWO WRONGS CAN NEVER MAKE THINGS RIGHT. Sabar. Dah besar ni, baru aku tahu kenapa orang cakap "sabar separuh daripada iman". Sebab bukan senang nak sabar. Susah. Susah sangat. Tapi Allah SWT berserta orang - orang yang sabar. Jadi sabar je. Tak pe. Sabar je.

Bak kata abah, hidup ini telah ditentukan, telah ditulis segalanya. Kita ni jalankan je apa yang terjadi. Tapi sebagai manusia, we don't know things. We don't know future. Jadi kita buat je yang terbaik, jalankan hidup ini dengan our best. Improve ape yang tak betul di masa lepas. Mostly, banyak hikmah kita tak nampak kalau kat dunia ni, tapi sebab hikmah itu untuk kita di akhirat. Have faith. Wise nya abah. When I can be wise like dat? Eheh.

Two:

For me, I don't think its wrong to cry out loud (given that I am alone in a space), nanti kalau time ada orang, niat tu jadi nak kan attention pulak. Well that's why women are strong. Because we can cry. So for me, menangis lah, kalau itu cara yang dapat bangunkan kita semula. But I've found that, the cycle of mourning by cry and sleep only is not enough. Nanti bangun tidur, hati rasa berat sangat. The best way is to cry, solat sunat, baca quran walaupun 5 ayat & sleep. Or cry, sleep & solat (tapi ini still tak best sebab lepas bangun tidur masih sedih). It is okay to cry as long as kita bina balik semangat dan hati. Letakkan sepenuh pengharapan padaNya. Macam nanti akhirnya kita akan terfikir "kite ada Allah SWT la, walau macam mana pun, apa nak risau dan takut sangat. Wa huwa ma'akum, ainama kuntum. Lagilah, Dia Maha Mendengar pada bila bila pun, Yang Hidup kekal lagi terus menerus mengurus (makhluk-Nya); tidak mengantuk dan tidak tidur." Apa lagi nak takut dan risau? Apa?

Wow writing this, I've realized that I am so silly for worrying things that out of my control. Forgive me O' Allah. For wasting my time, worried.

Three:

Life. Must. Go. On. No. Matter. What. Hidup ini pun sekejap je. Dunia ini pun sementara. So what is more important? Pegang hati, tanya sendiri. You know better.

In the past, I've been hurt, I am hurting now, and I will be hurt again in the future. But, all that matters are, how I survive this heartache. Aja - aja fighting!

Pen off.
No more worries, at least for now,
My Best person - Liyana.

A Blink Of An Eye

These days, I feel I am easily vulnerable, easily cried, easily in pain, easily hurt, easily feel sad. And how come the happiness moment only lasts for a blink of an eye?

Sesungguhnya bahagia itu masih jauh. But I feel grateful for that blink of an eye moment. It did feel real.

Suck It Up Mannnn

Hi,

These days, I find it's hard to wait, to be patient, to think positive and to fight all the way to the end. Half way sounds good enough. Apetah lagi bila I just found out about something that hurts me real bad. Mehh. Life. My human will power is decreasing. I am demotivated. I feel like I can't wait for something good to happen. Because it's seems like it's not gonna happen. Hope is just four letter word (lameeeeeeeeeee, so many things are four letter word too like love, hate, milk). I feel so broken up, and i feel like giving up, I just want to tell you so you knowwwww. Eh tetiba lagu Only One pulak.

But i love the song too much tho.

Anyway, when someone is already found the replacement and everything is making sense now, I felt hurt. But, there's nothing else I can do. When the person is not willing to stop hurting you, then let the person be. If I can't be happy, let other people to be happy. Now that I understand everything, I shall stop being clingy, annoying, syok sendiri and what not. Just be with yourself for awhile. And be happy with yourself first.

If anyone is to be blamed, it's me, no others. So suck it up on the consequences and live with it la Liyana!!!! Just be strong and remember AJA-AJA FIGHTING!!!!!!

Liyana you can do this. Even if you're broken and hurt, you can do this. You can survive this heartache. You just have to believe. You can do this. Fighting!

When in Despair, Remember...

I feel so sad.

Have you ever feel like everything is falling apart, your job, your life, your everything?

Have you ever feel like everything that happened is so wrong right now.

Have you ever feel like so mentally tired for all these shhhit?

Have you ever wanted to go to the furthest country in the world just to look at its skies and hoping for the answers to come pouring on you like the night rain?

I feel like I hit rock bottom, the deepest level of course.

It's time for me to hear my favorite "mantra":

"Every time, you feel like you cannot go on, you feel so lost and that you're so alone, all you see is night, and darkness all around, you feel helpless, you can't see which way to go, don't despair and never lose hope, cause Allah is always by your side, Insha Allah, Insha Allah, Insha Allah, you'll find your way.

Every time, you commit one more mistake, you feel you can't repent and that it's way too late, you're so confused, wrong decisions you have made, haunt your mind and your heart is full of shame, but don't despair and never lose hope, cause Allah is always by your side, Insha Allah, you'll find your way.

Turn to Allah, He's never far away, put your trust in Him, raise your hand and pray, O' ya Allah, guide my step don't let me go astray, you're the only one can show me the way, show me the way, show me the way, show me the way...

Insha Allah, Insha Allah, Insha Allah, you'll find your way.

فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
“Then, surely with hardship comes ease:"
“Surely, with hardship comes ease,"

Never forget this Liyana. Never.