Rahsia

Dasar hati manusia itu penuh rahsia,

Apa zahirnya, belum tentu batinnya,

Ketawa aku mungkin sendu,

Senyum dia, mungkin rindu,

Tuhan saja yg Maha Tahu isi segala,

Maha Tahu apa mula, apa hujungnya,

Untuk hidup aku, untuk hidup kamu,

Pada yang lain, kau apa tahu?

Found the answer!

Yes [on the contrary], whoever submits his face in Islam to Allah while being a doer of good will have his reward with his Lord. And no fear will there be concerning them, nor will they grieve. (2:112)

Alhamdulillah.

Help me Ya Allah, overcome these feelings of riak.

I don't know to whom should I tell this thing. Sebab the only person that understand my feelings right now is probably just me. heh. I've got a few mixed feelings regarding my new job. *I'm about to get employed again, yay for thatttt.* Hehe.
So bersedialah nak dengar perasaan perasaan disturbing saye sekarang in 3.. 2.. 1, enjoy.

1) The fact that, this is a job that I want, I feel like this is scarier than ever. Satu, zero experience. Dua, related to someone else's life. Tiga, what if I don't fit for this job? Afterall this is what I want. What if what I want is not the best? camana? camana? camana?

2) Too excited. And this ain't good yaw knaww. Bila too excited, tercakap pada ramai orang, bila ramai orang tahu, I kinda feel proud of myself because : One, I have courage to pursuit what I want. Two, this line of job makes me feel proud proud proud. Kan dah bunga bunga riak tu? What if saye dah lari dari niat asal (kerja kerana Allah dan kerana Allah sahaja) dan saya terus menerus takbur dan tidak ikhlas?

Ya Allah, permudahkan aku. Ikhlaskan aku. Ikhlaskan aku. Ikhlaskan aku. Sedarkan hatiku. Sedarkan aku yang aku ini tidak layak pun untuk merasa bangga atas apa yang aku lakukan. Definitely nothing. This is just probably a selfish-good-deed-type-of-job. I'm doing this to feel good. I'm doing it for me. Bukan sebab mulia / baik mana. Semua hanya untuk kepuasan sendiri. Tak layak aku untuk berasa bangga at all. Other ppl, dont feel proud of me. I'm just another selfish person saje.

Mungkin sebab dok having fun sangat sampai 2 bulan, jadi hati semacam takde masalah. Bila takde masalah selalu macam nak lalai alpa leka. Oh yeah, weak human are always like this.

So mungkin skrg kena tumpu focus gila dengan solat bg sempurna plus baca quran hari hari aaaa. Takutlah hati gelap. Hati semacam dah nak gelap, tu ada unsur unsur riak tuu... Tuhanku, aku takut :'(  

Big thing? Takut lah.

Hmmm this is scary, but scary good you know. Like "scary-going-to-Sydney".

But this thing is still scary. Tapi mungkin akan ingat kate kate Sueray forever, "courage, is not the absence of fear but doing something even if it is scares the shit out of you", thank you girlfriend, you know that's why I love you :D

And juga sy akan ingat kate kate awak

"You're still young, this is the time for you to do whatever you want, go for your passion, because it's better for you to regret after you've done it, not because you didn't do it, that's worth a life experience too you knoww" hehe thank you, you :')

And my minions friends, for genuinely happy dgn choice sy, talking to Aya and Fiqah really makes me realize what I really want, cewah. Mcm dilemma lepastu tak dilemma dah, syg you guys.

Anyway YOLO ah. By the way nak buat statement self-preservation jap bukan tak confident tau, which is: even though i might fail in this, in shaa Allah, i'll never turn my back on this. I'll try harder and harder tho this might take few places or few years.

And more importantly, I will always need Allah's guidance, always and forever. Rahmatilah dan permudahkan ku Ya Allah. Ikhlaskan lah aku. Sentiasa. Amin.

This blog gonna be famous, sbb org google2 klik sini, yessss!

"Komuter KL sentral ke Serdang berapa minit?"

Without any delay, tech difficulties and concussions (felt by the driver) komuter from KL Sentral to Serdang took 23 minutes.

Oh i just pasted the answer here (based on my experiences) just in case, there's another human yg innocently google "berapa minit komuter kl sentral ke serdang?" Poof, she'll get a direct answer from my blog. Boleh kira as khidmat masyarakat tk? Lol.

Anyway banyak lagi soalan innocent posted by not just me, tapi ade someone else jugak like :

"Tempat lepak best dekat bangi"

Or 

"Fireworks deepavali ade ke tidak"

Or 

"Tempat best lepak malam malam dekat mana"

Or 

"Restoran fancy bukit ampang dah tutup ke belum?"

Hey you.

You are not just my home, but every time that I was down, you would always come around, and get my feet back on the ground.

Tips hati

Tips untuk hati seorang manusia:

Paling jangan buat apabila ada org cerita masalah, or ada org cerita pasal nasib kurang baik seseorang ialah : merasakan di hatimu "pergh-kesian-kau-i-pity-you-nasib-baik-aku-tak-macamtu-anyway-i-will-never-go-down-the-way-you-did-cuz-people-watch-me-i'm-so-lucky-rich-got-the-best-job-ever-happy-and-i'm-on-top-of-the-world's feeling", instead, doakanlah semoga dipermudahkan urusan kawan / kawan kpd kawanmu itu.

Sbb ape? That feeling is the starting point of an endless ripple of the arrogance. Riak dkt hati.

I want to touch a dog's campaign real talk.

SO Agree to disagree means, coming to an understanding with someone that you have a difference in opinion. You think you are right, I think I am right.

So in my opinion, I disagree with I-want-to-touch-a-dog's campaign. Whenever we disagree / agree, there must be a reason, so forgive me when I'm about to say mine. Tho, I'll try my best to say it, without having to trash other's opinion.

I think this campaign is unnecessary. From what I know, Islam asks us to show "Ihsan" to all kinds of animal including dogssss. And from what I know, here the concept of Ihsan means, when you've found any sick dog, take a good care of it, when you've found any thirsty / hungry dogs, give what they need.

But for belai-belai memanjai purpose, I don't think it's necessary. There is a reason why 7 basuhan + 1 basuhan air tanah, whenever we touch a dog *kuman - kuman ect malas lah nak terangkan pada geniuses out there, mesti semua tahu, its general knowledge dah skrg bab ni* And sekiranya bertujuan nak ajar orang Islam bersertu dengan sempurna, tak semestinya kena ada anjing kan di tempat kejadian?

SO Agree to disagree means, I acknowledge that neither person (me or you) is going to convince other person (me or you) to change my / your opinion.

So, AGREE TO DISAGREE people!

Peace

Animal lover, hater, fearer and annoyer.

Hiii, how are you guys doing..gooood?


Sempena kempen "I want to touch a dog", saye nak cakap pendapat saye, yang mungkin tak berkaitan dengan kempen ni tapi berkaitan dengan "pets". Kahkahkah.

Orang selalu kata "kau tak faham ah perasaan animal lover, kami dah anggap mereka bagaikan kuarge ect ect ect". Tapi adekah animal lover dan manusia biasa yang lain faham perasaan si-penakut-binatang aka ME and few other millions (minority maybe) people?

Kami, bila nampak kucing datang tepi meja masa makan dekat memane restoran, automatically we are gonna cringe, but it doesn't mean that we hate them. We are afraid of them. Takut mreka cakar, gigit, lompat atas peha then benamkan kuku atas peha, kami nampak mereka sama jenis je dengan harimau / singa. So the next action would be screaming (not me) / lari / tak jadi makan. Then, the next action dari animal lovers would be, "Eh die tak gigit, they are so adorable, apelah sikit punya cute pun nak takut", Well, the thing is, in our eyes, se-adorable mana pun mereka, 'tiger' is still a tiger. The paws seems so big, the nails seem so sharp, meows sounds like ROARS. Same goes for anjing (nampak macam werewolf skyrim), ikan (nampak macam ikan josh) & arnab (nampak macam creepy easter bunny).

Dont tell me, this is adorable? 

AND WE ARE SERIOUSLY DIDN'T HATE THEM. Animal haters are not part of us. Selalunya yang menakuti kucing ke anjing ke. dia takkan pukul or ambil air dalam straw, dan spray pada kucing yang datang minta sikit nasi goreng kampung dari tepi meja. Selalunya, awal - awal lagi this animal fearer dah blah dari meja. Yang spraying tu selalunya golongan animal annoyer. Cewah.

Whattt animal fearer, animal annoyer? That's not even a word!!! bak kata Monica. Namun, geniuses should know what I mean right?

K, now why dont we try to understand each other. Peace.

Health freak is a freak, but in a good way, I guess.

Nak tanye aa, korang tak risau ke pasal kesihatan korang, dah la makan sesuka hati. Risau aaa tiba tiba ada penyakit kronik ke apa.

Ni ha diabetes symptoms :

1. The main symptoms of undiagnosed diabetes include:

   • passing urine more often than usual, especially at night.
   • increased thirst.
   • extreme tiredness.
   • unexplained weight loss.
   • genital itching or regular episodes of thrush.
   • slow healing of cuts and wounds.
   • blurred vision.

Ni ha pulak kidney infection symptoms :

1. Signs and symptoms of a kidney infection may include:

   • Fever.
   • Back, side (flank) or groin pain.
   • Abdominal pain.
   • Frequent urination.
   • Strong, persistent urge to urinate.
   • Burning sensation or pain when urinating.
   • Pus or blood in your urine (hematuria)
   • Urine that smells bad or is cloudy.

How do you know you are healthy? Bye nak pergi buat pemeriksaan kesihatan secara menyeluruh. Risau aaa sebab pagi tadi makan dua ketul apple strudel, kan ke manis melecas, takut ahh. Bye.

FB messenger feels like kinda lameeee. Lu pehal?

Hiiii How are you guys doing?

Today, I wanna talk about you, heh, who am I kidding, the world only revolves around me me me, so let's just talk about meeehiihii. Narcissism semakin berleluasa, tetambah sejak unemployment-again ni, maafkan kite.

The thing is, saye nak cakap yang mungkin saye dah move to the next phase (early adult) bila mana ada orang nak berbual kosong dengan menggunakan "facebook messenger" aka chatting, I feel so mehhhhhh. Bye.

Mmmm but there's this one question raised from this statement ;  "Am I moving into the adulthood life orrrr anti-social phase?," whatever I dont know. Teehee.

EAP - Early Autism Project

Yeayyyyy.

Im going to apply for EAP. Bismillah.
Ya Allah, permudahkanlah. Amin.

Watch me, do my thang

Saye tau je banyak gila orang mempersoalkan keputusan saye.

The thing is, you guys dont worry. Im a person with a plan, and I am going to make it a reality. Memang aaa nampak mcm kucar kacir nya plan perempuan ni, tp at least sy ade cita cita dan sy menuju ke arahnya, anda bagaimana? Ha! Tho this journey seems so unreliable, nampak macam unconvincing, but trust me, give me a chance.

I do feel unsupported right now, but I have to do what I have to do. Tho nanti maybe akan ada moment where I am so down with my life, jatuh terduduk or whatever yang susahsusah, namun i wont give up. Masa tu nanti, just be there for me, hold me. Dont ever say "see I told you so", ever.

And probably one day, you guys are going to understand why I'm doing this. I'm going to make you guys understand, that's my promise.

Ajaaja fighting! YOLO utk perjalanan aku mencari makna hidup. Apa nk risau, In shaa Allah, Allah bersama hamba-hambaNya yang sabar. Tenang. Kalau niat bagus bagus, In sha Allah, Allah cukupkan rezekiMu apa adanya. 

Sume orang, watch me. :)

Impossible

"Because a girl like you is impossible to find, you're impossible to find...."

Secondhand Serenade

Then how come it is.

"This can't be it...."


"Then, how come it is...."

Nobody said it was easy,
Nobody said it would be this hard,
Oh take me back to the start.

"Nanti dekat Jannah.." are probably the painful yet sweetest words.
To think of me every once in awhile, probably my favorite promise from the precious one.

Dear nae sarang,
Neol sarang hagesseo eonje kkajina,
Neol sarang hagesseo jigeum-i sungancheorom,
I-saesang geu nuguboda, neol sarang hagesseo.

So life is unfair ?

I used to think 'Life is Unfair' until I realized:

Actually, life is fair because it's unfair to everybody else.

Paling aku faham, Tuhan itu Maha Adil. Kerana bersama setiap kesusahan, ada kemudahan. Bersama susahku, ada senangnya. Terima kasih Allah. Atas segala rahmatMu. 

Derita itu rahmat jua, tanpanya, kau takkan berpijak di bumi, kau akan hanyut dalam duniawi, percayelah. Bersyukur jugaklah atas kitaran senang-susah camtu. Siap dpt bonus, sbb bila senang, senang je. Tp bila susah, bersamanya ada senang.

Nampak banyak mana Tuhan sayang kita? 

August Rush

Its almost August, but 2014 hasn't give anything to me yet. Its probably just an ordinary-nothing-much-mundane-feels-like-giving-up-now-and-then-kinda-sad-and-gloomy year for me.

Probably the happiest days in 2014 were during my second visit in Sydney. 10th June to 18th June. Ah dah la Sydney. Pasni nak pegi University of Sussex ah plak. Nak buat Master of Astronomy. Bye ah Malaysia dan Sydney. Not gonna dwell on you guys nymore. Hmh 

Kahkah #berangan tak salah asalkan tahu bertempat. Hehe. Tapi.... AMIN. 

Baju raye, wa takde.

I stopped having new baju raya in 2009. 

Tahun 2010, pakai baju 2009.

Tahun 2011, pakai baju 2009.

Tahun 2012, pakai baju grads 2009.

Tahun 2013, pakai baju mix and match.

Tahun 2014...... Pakai baju grads 2009.

Haha. Well, for me, its not that I dont have semangat raya, its just that, i dont think i need baju raya. I need all other baju / dresses, except baju raya. K phm tak? So jgn nak judge sgt la kpd seseorang ni yg berkata:

"Ko ni dah kenape takde baju raya, bukan pempuan mmg kene ade baju raya? Ko ni pelik ah" 

Im the most tak pelik woman. Orang yg pelik ialah yg ada baju raya sampai 30 pasang, k!

Kbye, selamat hari raya maaf zahir batin. Walaupun kite tak suke beli baju raya, tak bermakna kita tak raya. Raya bukan pada baju ya! Bye.

Hey you, who makes flowers grow even in the saddest part of me,

When I first saw you, I knew I'll fall in love,  and you smiled because you knew.

Life doesn't have to be perfect for love to be extraordinary.

For the rest of my life, I'm always going to be grateful for that.

K, again.

I dont know why I hate K so much. Although skrg dia takde pun la buat apa apa pun lgsg, tp bila orang sebut nama dia skrg, just the thought of him, i feel so urghhh.

Urghh i just naturally hate him I guess. Probably, 'hate' is a strong word, but I really really really dont like him.

Dahla dgn judgemental, lepas tu poyo, i just dont like you. Kite dua, musuh forever. 

Your charm remind me of duit raya that I've received last year - none. 😒😒😒😒

Entah random je la

So I notice this abnormality that occurs in my body. It's happening for about a month. Macam 2 or 3 days before I went to Sydney. Lepas tu risau jeee tapi took one month to go to the doctor.

Before pergi doctor tu, kita dah buat journal semua dah, take note semua, macam berapa kali sehari jadi, and how long when it happens, and berapa jarak masa berlaku between one occurrence to another. Haha, I notice the doctor's face macam terkejuit la jugak tengok apesal minah ni bersedianya dia nak jumpa doctor sampai bawak logbook bagai. *cewah buku biasa je takdelah sampai log book*

Lepas tu doctor tu check mata macam Aya-neechan kena. errr 0.0. Yang dia ambil objek lepas tu dia suruh mata kita ikut objek tu ke atas ke tepi ke bawah ke kiri kanan semua la. At that time, memang
kite terus terpikir Spinocerebellar degeneration diseases. Huh? Cuak seh. Lepas tu terus lagu

"Nagareru kisetsu no mannaka de, Futohi no nagasa o kanjimatsu," okay 0.1 litre of tears dah ni. sedih doooooo lagu ni.

Lagi sebulan la kalau jadi lagi nak pergi hospitakk *cara Anoi typo eja hospital mase dekat KMS dulu hahaha since then me and Pah sebut hospital jadi "hospitakk" Benda macam ni pun boleh jadi bahan ketawa dengan Pah*

Hahahah I miss that woman!

Kbye.

Bye, you.

Laptop mati. Again. And im gonna cry in 3..2.. ㅠ.ㅠ

Sedih ar. Do you have to go right now? Really? Realllyyyy? Cant believe it. You know, you should be the one i'll always love. Skrg terpaksa love laptop lain. Bila dah beli la. Which is taktau bila akan berlaku. Tapi akan. Cewah.

Strangers

You and I, lead a lonely life,
That is the life we have to live,
Love easily breaks, time easily flows.

There's no such thing as an eternal promise,
Even the words we whispered as we looked at each other,
They will fade away like the dust that covers the sky,
We passed by each other like strangers.

I love you like crazy,
I love you, forever I will,
I won't let go, I will find you,
I'm just a stranger, without you my love.

-Bobby Kim.

The perk of being a final page.

If I am a book, i'm a final page, the one that usually has half written text in it, the one before few blank pages for autograph's purpose. 

The metaphor behind this? Takde. Aku mmg jenis page last last tu. Time yg determine happy ending ke sad ending ke to be continue ke. Gituw. Kewl tak? Sorry jd tak kewl. 

Bye. Slmt maju jaya.

You'll be there for me?

Perasaan manusia itu misteri. Thank you guys. I appreciate every single one of you. And I'm so grateful for having ppl like you guys around me.

Cerita FRIENDS berfaedah gak sikit sikit bila The Rembrandts did teach me a bit,

"I'll be there for you, when the rain start to pour, i'll be there for you, like i've been there before, i'll be there for you, cuz you there for me too"

...and the rain start to pour for real... From my eyes.... Sebab baru menguap. Tande kene tidur. Papai.

Sadness in life.

Nouman Ali Khan strikes again with his convincing words...

"It is not true that if we had true faith we would not be sad. Prophet (as) and righteous people experienced a great deal of sadness.The Quran is full of stories in which the central thene is sadness."

"Sadness is a reality of life. The Quran is not there to eliminate sadness but to navigate it. Sadness is one of the tests of life, just as happiness and angers, they are all tests in life."

Downnn

Antara benda benda yang boleh bagi down:

1) Takde kawan di tempat baru, lonely, for orang banyak cakap macam aku, tiba - tiba tak dapat nak beramah mesra, its like a disease, my soul is being locked up, im dying and withered inside.

2) Wajah pun tak bermaya sebab tak ceria, sedih memanjang, rasa nak menangis. Mungkin sebab homesickkkk.

3) Payung besar sampai boleh cover seluruh Connecticut, lepas tu bila bukak, terbalik, bencii. Malu okay. Selalu je jadi dekat Sydney tapi malu jugak jugakk.

4) Memang dah semula jadi down 2 hari ni. Or selepas balik Sydney.

5) Tempat ini terasa sungguh asing bagikuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu woo u woooooooo. Terasing.

Timeless

You can't leave yet, 

Please stay here, 

Even if it's hard, 

If I can see you just a bit more, 

I would smile for the amount of time left,

Timeless, it is not a separation isn't it?

We both agree, 

This is a timeless love..

-Xiah Junsu & Jang Ri In

 

Enjoy The Little Things Segment

Seven.

Driving alone. Ada background music; Crawling in my skin..........this wound they will not heal.......... #enjoythelittlethings

Eight.

Transformer. Loud audio, wide screen. Rasa pendengaran merudum sikit lepas tu tho #enjoythelittlethings

Nine.

Amazingly fresh soup! Dekat Seoul Garden. Sinseonanda! #enjoythelittlethings

Ten.

Night driving, lepas tu practise high beam. I feel so kewl #enjoythelittlethings

Enjoy The Little Things

I've decided to create a new category entry in this blog. It's called "enjoy the little things". Actually "Enjoy The Little Things" is a Zombieland rule #32. Because you don't know when is the next 'best little things' are going to happen again in your life, got it?

One.

Baring atas katil setelah pulang dari perjalanan yg panjang dan penat #enjoythelittlethings

Two.

Went to PTA's meeting for the first time, rasa famous sikit sebab kawan-kawan adik jenguk jenguk dekat tingkap. #enjoythelittlethings

Three.

Best unhealthy breakfast ever! Instant noodle, seaweed (?) and mocha. Jyeah. #enjoythelittlethings although nyawa semakin pendek hari hari makan maggi.

Four.

Tolong bayarkan utk budak dekat depan sebab die short a few coins, I thought I want to pay for the balance, but end up paying for both of us, HAHA, but after I've heard his sincere thanks, terus jadi ikhlas although feel bad sikit sbb bukan duit aku. Takpe ah, sedekah on behalf ibu. It feels good tho. #enjoythelittlethings

Five.

Streaming's file deleted, and I found one in registered website. Nak tengok episode itu dengan penuh rasa syukur. #enjoythelittlethings #2D1NisbetterthanRunningman

Six.

Bawak kereta macam orang gila sebab jalan kosong. Hanya unemployed person, housewives and orang MC yang jadi raja jalan raya #enjoythelittlethings

Bye for now.

Closure

"Like time suspended,
A wound unmended,
You and I,
We had no ending,
No goodbye,
For all my life,
I'll wonder why"

-Lang Leav

PS: And these words are not for Sydney.

So Sydney...

So Sydney.

A lot of things have changed in 6 months. Macam kicap dekat Takumi dah boleh makan, caltex depan uni dekat Anzac Parade dah tutup, new circle of friends, new Sydney's faces, ada kereta baru, bertambah tambah construction depan Opera House dan banyak lagi. Tapi, ada satu je yang tak berubah, yang aku rasa semuanya sama, langsung tak berubah, masih macam dulu. Dierr. Dan untuk itu, aku amat berterima kasih padamu, kerana tak membuatkan Sydney terlalu asing padaku.

Die yang sama, aku rindu... And now, I feel so lost and summertime sadnessss all around me. (dkt malaysia hari hari summer jadi valid ah summertime sadness ni ok)

Semoga Allah SWT sentiasa hamparkan yang terbaik di hadapan hidup kita, tak kira dimana kita berada, tanah negara apa yang kita jejak, udara atmosfera apa yang kita hirup, Amin.

Aku yang agak sedih dan menyedihkan,
Lj.