Krash

Crush.

So what is crush for you?

For me,

Crush is like this. You just like that person for the sake of liking. No intention beyond the line. I mean, I have this crush on someone. I still remembered, he started to smile at me, only after 3 days after I entered the office.

By default, he is a serious person. While working. I never know that he's a hilarious person, once you get to know him. He's a bit chatty as well. I like the way he's talking to me. At first he will be all serious doing work. But once you talk to him, he'll be all smiley and excited talking to you. You'll feel appreciated ya nawww. And you'll like the small interactions that happened, contoh mcm if terserempak somewhere else, he'll stop talking to whoever, and look at you and saying "hi". Or, when you're sitting at someone else's desk, and he's also there , he look at you, and smile, signalling hi from a far. 

And you, whenever the crush doing all these little little things, you'll go "awwwhhhhh" lol. And then you'll smile for at least 5 minutes.

That is crush.

Let me tell you, what's not crush. You don't imagine getting married to your crush. Sometimes, you don't even want to have him as boyfriend pun. Maybe there's time you'll feel like chatting with him ke, but only up to that level. 

You will want to have his number, but you'll not put effort to get it. Probably you'll successfully find his facebook, but you don't really feel to 'add' him. So for me, crush is like that. NO FURTHER INTENTION. You're liking him for the sake of liking him. Sometimes, you'll be having another crush at the same time. And later, it will died up. The effect of crush.

Yeah. As for now, i really have a crush on this guy. And at the same time, I started to have crush on another guy hahahah dont know which one to like more. Ahh i'll just like both equally. Fair and square. I'll treat them the same too. Dua dua i will tease. Hehe

Who want to join my 'class'?

What is MT actually?

Aku pun tak tahu. Sebab baru dua hari aku mt. Ya nawww. I don't have enough information to conclude what is mt. So let's talk about what I think mt is.

First, aku rase macam jadi mt tu kena elegance. Di samping positive - positive trait yg lain lah. But I'm gonna only talk about elegance, sbb usually ppl born with it. Benda lain boleh train. I don't have it. Can i just be that mt girl yg berlainan. Yg tak berheels, berbaju blouse putih, tuck in, seluar slack, berjalur putih halus, with expensive handbag and wowww bila org tgk, only one word people will say, "uuu charisma". Oops sorry, two words.

It's not that I can't be it, just that, it's not me. I am that girl yang suka hati je tudung dia matching ke tak dgn baju, seluar pun probably actually black jeans that is trying to disguise as a slack, paling cuba menjadi woman pun dengan memakai flats. Handbag pun yang dari Sydney, 2 years ago. Ground colour, so kalau kotor pun tak nampak. And gelak tak control, cakap pun takda bahasa elegance ke apa, bahsa YOLO. 

Can i be an mt with my own class?

K jawapan yg nak diberi sini ialah, yes i can. Why? Because I can. Ada apa dgn classy massy, sedangkan moderate is the best policy. 

I'll prove to the mt's world, that we can gain respect not by elegance or classy displayed or charismatic walk, but we'll get it through giving other person our respect first. Dkt sini bermaksud, bukan lag elegance, charismatic & classy tu tak penting dan tak bagus, tapi bukan segalanya.

Know what I mean? 

Aja - aja fighting! Saya boleh!

157 of 365 : I am just happy right now.

I am just happy right now.

I know i'll be devastated again after 2 or 3 days from today because this happy feelings will eventually burn out, but i am just happy right now.

Prolly, its reason is so insignificant to others, but i am just happy right now.

I know i have to be wise, careful and so many caution words i have to use right now, but i am just happy right now.

For making me feels this way: "i am just happy right now", today, i just want to thank you..you. For now, i didnt feel regret for any of my choices. I am just thankful and i am just happy right now.

152 of 365 : forget bout it laa

In order to survive in this confusing society, one must ; Know when to stop.

For me, right now is the best time to forget bout it. Before it hurts ma pride and feelins. Ppl are being confusing for no reason. Stop being so confusing la wei. 

Can you just show the 100% of whatever you wanna show? Dont do half - half. Confuse laaa. 50% mcm gini, 50% plak mcm gitu, aish waste ma time. Sad.

150 of 365 : I KNOW.

Dont worry la, i'm not that stupid, i know where Im standing now, i know my place, i know what's the ending, i know its nothing, and I am not naive to only believe what I want to believe and just living in the bubbles. I know the REALITY. Cuz its so obvious too. Remember, ive gone through hell before?

Anyway, as for me, ive decided to just forget about it after 3 days, okay?

149 of 365 : Meet the match

I think i've met my match. This person really knows how to make me feel the uneasiness. And he's totally unreadable. Seriously ?

I feel so upset when I couldn't read what are on his mind? I feel blind. Nooooo. Hggghhngh

148 of 365: 10 things about me. Not that I have reader, but who knows someone is interested in me and secretly take a peek. Ehehe. Perasannya, Ya Allah!

1. I like to watch cooking tutorial videos. Dengan harapan suatu hari nanti nak buatlah yg ditengok. Sometimes, I also watch surgeon operating patient's video. Most recently; whipple procedure for cancer pancreatic patient. Dengan harapan one day jadi dokter.

2. I memorize pi number if I want to make sure my memorization capability is still there. Or sometimes when my mind wanders somewhere else, sampai nak pergi sekolah adik pun boleh salah jalan, I memorize pi number, so I can focus on road.

3. I can hardly differentiate between left and right.

4. I love doing food experiments.

5. I can easily have crush on ppl. Easily, but one at a time. When I fall for someone, I fall hard. Ish. So sometimes, I do google "how to avoid falling too hard for someone." haha. Stewpid.

6. I consider myself as a free-spirit person. Career/passion-wise. I do what I want to do, I be what I want to be, I quit when I feel like its choking me. Sound like a fickle-minded person hah? Depends on how you translate my career pathway. But one thing I tell you, I feel the satisfaction every time I took different route in my career.

7. I feel more comfortable if ppl walk on my right hand side.

8. I think I'm funny. I feel intimidated when a guy is funnier than me. Hahahaha. I want to be funnierrrrr :(

9. I can be simple, I can be complicated. I think it's depend on whom I'm dealing with. But I prefer myself to be simple-minded.

10. I like rainy days, winter, gloomy looking days, night, but I have fear of darkness. And deep water, heights, animals except cockroach.

142 of 365 : Tanjung Tuan, PD.

Maybe I should write seriously in this blog. Like experiences in this & that, recommendation holiday or tips? For what I know, my blog is totally useless for others. Untuk diri sendiri okay la sbb tempat meluahkan oddities yg tersembunyi. Hihi.

Bukan apelah, setiap kali dapat interview baru, dan dan google tengok experience org lain dekat blog mereka. Walhal, diri sendiri pun dah thousands interview pergi, dah boleh jd veteran interviewee (self-claimed).

Anyway, lemme share my experience during last holiday in PD. Thing is, bila sebut PD, mesti ramai fikir "ahhh cliche, its not like Perhentian". Therefore, siapa yang nak lari dari cliche tp maseh nk jejak PD (cuz its the nearest for those in Kl/Selangor - padan muka ddk bandar takde pantai), go to Tanjung Tuan beach. Miraculously cantik, bersih, air hijau hijau biru, pasir halus + takde bekas minuman dan plastic burger bersepahan. Kalau jenis yg mengada ngada nak travel comfortably je, book lah The Regency Tanjung Tuan Beach Resort, pergi bilik tingkat 10. Double storey room! Its like 3 star, so takdelah sampai breakfast in bed tu.

Tapi ape kena yg sampai nak breakfast in bed? Aku cukup pantang org makan atas katil. 

Anyway, we went there for BBQ je. BBQ tempat berbayar, so like if there's another group thinking of snatching the place away by claiming they are the owner, boleh lah bawak berbincang dekat pej admin. Akhirnya takde pertumpahan darah berlaku kerana berebutkan tmpt BBQ. 

Dan lagi, jgn guna arang bulat. Guna arang biasa je. Lambat ayam ayam nak masak. Akhirnya pemanggang ajaib (infamous non-stick red coloured pan) jugak yg berguna, bakar semua yg ada.

Ive tried to tangkap gambar bintang - hobi since forever. Tapi city lights terlalu mencemari suasana. Jadi tk dapat good picture tho G16 has "star" function. Mungkin finally kena terima kenyataan yg Msia lack of tmpt tgkp gambar bintang. Adelah satu tempat ni! Jalan batu arang (otw) to puncak alam. Tp sunyi sepi pula. Rate of crime tinggi, lepas tu rumours nampak pocong terbang lah apa. Say whutttt? 

One day, i'll just be brave and capture all these starry night scenes! Heh.

Anyway, setakat itu sahaja tips yg berguna. Bye

Not too crowded-beach

Sunset

Deep lah kononnya

My new thing now : tak tengok kamera, tak senyum. cewah.

Me and my pretty gal pal chillin' on the sofa, in the double storey resort!

"Aunty Piyana, last tau tengok kita fokus tengok kamera, lepas ni nak tengok tempat lain"

"Aunty Piyana, jomlah termenung, asyik tangkap gambar je, tak feelin la"

132 of 365 : A piece of advice for i-am-always-the-loves-more person

You know that saying : The one who loves more is the weaker one?

You are not weaker because you love more,
You've become weaker because you're not free at heart.

Free at heart means,
"Not worrying about the need to get back as much as you give,
While knowing that being able to love is enough to be happy."

But, who do you think should loves more? A guy or a girl?
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YOU. (I mean, doesn't really matter. Whoever reads this). Don't be so petty over this matter. Love can't be measured, so keeping score isn't necessary.

127 of 365 : How to NOT get a guy

Tips:

#1 Give a lot of attention

#2 Be a boring person

#3 Be clingy

#4 Don't be typical

#5 Be aggressive: Text first, call first, ask him out first, first first first.

To be continue.

126 of 365 : In parallel universe . . .

In a parallel universe?

In a parallel universe, I'm with someone who I love dearly. He laughs at my jokes, we are planning our next adventures, and maybe we are in Sydney, the place that I love the most on this planet. Riding a train together. He's not with someone else, he just there, right beside me. Before parting our ways, he gives me a gift that is meant for someone else (he was preparing that for his colleague because it was her birthday), but that colleague is not an important person, so he couldn't resist himself from not giving me anything before seeing me going away.

In a parallel universe, I have a career that I love. The payment is not that much, but it's enough for me. And I still got what's left as my saving, for my future adventure. I've got a caring and not so-bossy boss who is also, an understanding person. I love doing my job, and even though it's quite challenging, I'm waiting for the next day to do it again.

But a parallel universe is only staying as a parallel universe. Reality sucks. It's like your potential job is a joke, you're broke and your love life is dead on arrival. Nothing is going right. But, no one knows better than Allah SWT. For all I know, that parallel universe actually is never good. Sounds good, but probably, it's only a disaster. A calm before storm.

...but perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah SWT Knows, while you know not. [Al-Baqarah:216]

La Tahzan, innalah ha ma'na. Tuhanku, tuntunlah hatiku supaya sabar dalam menanti apa yang tertulis untukku...

125 of 365 : Belum

So if something is not meant for you,
Then, it's not.
Bukan lagi. Hmmm. Takpe.

Sometimes, ada sesetengah orang tu telah ditakdirkan untuk berjumpa 100 yang salah sebelum jumpa The One. Sometimes, ada sesetengah orang tu telah ditakdirkan untuk dia berusaha lebih sikit sebelum dia dapat The One. Sometimes, ada sesetengah orang tu telah ditakdirkan bertemu failure demi failure untuk dia menghargai The One. Belum lagi jumpa. But hey, I think its okay if its a bit late. For something that is going to stay for long long time, I think it's worth it.


So, yeah people, that's what I believe.
I won't feel ashamed of my effort. This effort, it's so priceless, it's worth it. Always.
If we're not busy being born, we're busy dying.
So, as Dory the fish always said: JUST KEEP SWIMMING.
Kalau telah ditakdirkan, makanya...

::: I was talking about this one company rejecting me even after Hi Tea session with Director :'(

124 of 365 : I just want to sulk.

Ever felt like sulking?
Me yes. Like right now.

Rasa nak merajuk la, tho we both are nobody to each other. Haha. Okay. Actually, it doesn't make sense for me to feel like sulking with this person, but that's what I wanna do right now. Fineeeeeeeee. :( Merajuk ah.

Dengan P******** pun nak merajuk. Ignoring me. Fine. At least, please give me some two or three last words as a courtesy, can't you? :(

118 of 365 : Vladimir Putin

So this guy was a president of Russia.
Before being a president, he was an intelligence officer in the KGB stationed mainly in Germany.
Then he retired as a colonel, and returned to Leningrad.
He was a supporter for Anatoly Sobchak, so after Sobchak won election, Putin became his head of external relations, and then his first deputy mayor.
After Sobchak defeated, Putin resigned and returned to Moscow. He was appointed as head of management under Boris Yeltsin's presidential administration. There, he was in-charge of Kremlin's relations with regional governments.
Then, Putin was appointed as head of Federal Security, as well as head of Yeltsin's Security Council. Then, Yeltsin appointed Putin to be then-prime minister replacing Sergey Stapashin.

In September 2001, he announced Russia's stance as a US ally. Soon, he announced his opposition  - along with French and Germany governments - to the US "war on terror", which focused on ridding Iraq.

In December 2012, Putin signed into a law banning on the US adoption of Russian child.

Putin strained the relationship with US by granting an asylum to Edward Snowden who was a wanted person by US because of leaking classified information about the National Security Agency case.

Putin established an anti-gay laws. He made it illegal for gay couple to adopt kids and placed a ban on propagandizing "nontraditional" sexual relationship to minors.

In September 2013, due to cooperation of Russia and China, amongst other nations, US would refrain from attacking Syria and come up with an agreement to get Syria to release its chemical weapon. In hi op-ed in New York Times, he stated that  by US striking Syria, despite the disapproval of several other nations, could result in violence and unrest in the Middle East  potentially escalating.

118 of 365: When you happy and you know, and you really want to show.

There are two types of people in this world.

1. Bila ada benda happy berlaku, mereka hanya enjoy the moment. They tell the world, they are happy. They don't think any other consequences, walau memang lumrah dunia yang hidup tak selalunya indah, langit tak selalu cerah, who cares, just embrace the moment.

2. Bila ada benda happy berlaku, they scared, worried, it does not last long. Maybe that is a calm before the storm. Maybe if they are too happy, they are gonna oversee other things. Maybe if they celebrate the happiness, when its finished, its gonna crush their heart. They just scared to be in that happy moment. And they are aalways wondering when it's going to end. They are always preparing for the worst, but forget to enjoy every little moment.

Choose.

117 of 365 : Courage and honor

Courage is a hard thing to figure.
You can have courage based on a dumb idea or a mistake.
That's why courage is tricky.
Should you always do what others tell you to do?
Sometimes you might not even know why you're doing something.
I mean, any fool can have courage.
But honor, that's the real reason you either do something or you don't.
It's who you are or maybe who you want to be.
If you die trying for something important, and you have both honor and courage, that's pretty good.
You should hope for courage and try for honor.

-The Blind Side, Michael Oher-

110 of 365 : Pronounciation

Do you know the right way of pronouncing Aglio Olio? Its A-lio O-lio.

That horrifying moment when somebody says a word, and then you realize, you've been mispronouncing it all these times. Damm damm dammmm.


Pistachio?
Pis-ta-kee-oh

Bed?
Bed (almost like 'bid' but with e. I was pronouncing it like 'bad', haha yeah, baby I know)

Porsche?
Por-sya

Peugeot?
Per-jzho

Dolce & Gabbana?
Dol-chay & Gabbana

Estee Lauder?
Es-tay Lauder

Chipotle? - as in Chipotle Southwest sauce.
Chi-pot-lay

Poet?
Po-et

Stomach?
Stuh-muck (I pronounce Stuh-Meck, but I think this one is alright. ahaha)

Water?
Wa-drrrr but I'll keep Australian slang in memory : woh-dah

109 of 365 : Embarrassing moment of the year.

Before this, I've never known that we could see what other people (following) commented on someone's picture in Instagram. My tab was never on "following" but on "you". HEY! This is a serious breach of privacy :'((((((

Arrrrr, dan disebabkan inilah, I've just ridiculed myself, and it is so embarrassing. I could never face that person anymore. Yeah, I've been sabotaging myself. So guys, never ever commenting on 9gag's picture dgn harapan takde orang bace and in the heat of moment, maybe you've just want to act stupidly or something, but just dont. People can read it. And lagi malang, bila orang yg kita tgh cakap dkt dalam comment tu yang baca sendiri. Lol sometimes nak tergelak pun ada. Nak menangis lagiiiii ade. :'( hu.

Anyway, if you (you know who you are) happen to read this, I just want to tell you, the comment was a mistake, please ignore it, No, no, please forget about it. I was stupid during last week. The whole thing was a mistake. Repeat after me, m-i-s-t-a-k-e, yes mistake. Yup there's nothing right about it. This isn't right. This was stupid, my stupid stupid action, my brain decided to stop functioning for the past few days, I guess. Haih.

I'll never repeat it anymore, I don't want to do this anymore. The new me is yes, brave, but stewpid. There is a fine line between stupidity and bravery, but I guess I just mix everything up, and it doesn't feel good. Old me with my old way of doing things is good. K. Dah. Lah.

107 of 365 : nope

Bila Allah SWT cakap bukan, maka bukan.

Thank you Allah SWT for saving me from what not. So that's gonna be my first ad last stewpid move like that. I am just gonna be my old self with my old way of doing thing which is as usual. Always stick to the "as usual". Yeah, lagipun, being in the situation, i cant fully be myself. That's wrong.

Oh no no. Wow. Look at what i almost did to myself. Not being fully myself is a big mistake. Sorry self. Not gonna do that again. Promise.

104 of 365 : The Drawback of not being a mind reader.

So,
I'm interpreting your subtle sign as a tacit avoidance.
Say no more.

103 of 365 : If I fall in love.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Ya Allah, If I fall in love,
Make me fall in love with the one that in love with You,
So that I can strengthen myself,
In loving You.

100 of 365 : strawberry boy is growing up now

So yesterday I went to see my strawberry boy.

When I reached there, mom asked me to stay downstairs as a surprise for him after class. So I waited nervously, cuz who knows he might forget me tho. Haritu 7hari MC pun mcm dah lupa. Ni kan pulak like 9days.

Then after he finished class, he went downstairs and "Piyana!" - a voice that I wanted to hear again after all these times. He came down so quickly and then after they opened the baby gate, he ran and hugged me!! Awh. I almost broke into tears. But I couldn't carry him up all the way, I feel like he's taller now! Nooo my baby's growing up dahh. And then he was like running around the house (so much energy, maybe he was excited, maybe he was happy, I'm not sure)

Then we went to the playground. I didn't really sit around him, because I don't know why I feel a bit speechless and awkward, I miss him a lot until at some point I don't know what to do first. And plus guilty feelings of leaving him too, made me carefully think about what should I do, what I shouldn't do. I'm worried that he might miss me more after this. 

He was ignoring me and played with others, but I saw him sometimes checking on me to see whether I'm still there or not. Lol yaa yaa gonna wait until you've finished your playground time okay buddy?

Then at home, when we sat on the sofa, i chatted with mom, he was there zoning out, I don't know whether he was tired or not interested ke ape. But then I kinda heard him saying "I miss Piyana" but it's very subtle, so i was like, "Haa what buddy? Sorry, say it again?" And he was like, too late. Sape suh tak dgr. Hahahaha k fine.

Then he wanted to play on trampoline. I think that was the only time when we spent quality time together jumping on the huge trampoline. My first time on trampoline as well. Hahaha tak sangka best gila. Thanks buddy, you showed me a great way to have fun! Jumping!

Then after we've finished jumping, I wanted to go to my car, nak pass barang, so I asked him to come down from trampoline for a while. Then he jumped in my arms, and hugged me again. I think that one hug really told me about how much he miss me. That was the same every-morning-hug that he gave me before this. Awhh :')

Dah lepas tu masuk rumah he was ignoring me completely dah. Maybe he was tired or that's it, Piyana's time is all finish ke ape. Hahahaha when I was saying bye, he was also saying bye in a half-cool-half-I-don't-care-anymore-Piyana manner. Hey buddy, what's this? Is that it? I'm hoping for more like don't-go-Piyana-drama or like jejak kasih or what. Hahaha

K laa. Deep down, I'm scared one day he will stop looking/asking for me. I do hope he won't forget about me. But as I couldn't give a full commitment to him anymore, I shouldn't be selfish. I have to accept and help him to get over me. I do hope he won't be sad or he won't miss me that much after the visit.

Buddy as much as you laff Piyana, I laff you more.

Buddy as much as you miss Piyana, I miss you even more.

But like 'A little friend's' story, Laura has to let the duck flies with other friends in the skies. So buddy, you have to let this little friend (me) go at some point...

I'm considering naming my child after you in the future, because I'm so amazed with your pure soul that have touched my life with your special and genuine way of harboring a love for people around you and

You are just... 3 !
Amazing. Subhanallah.

The most loving kid, I've ever met. The most special kid that is going to be in my heart forever. I'll always pray for your safety, happiness & progress :')

98 of 365 : Finally, today is a happy dayyyyyy,

Ya Allah,

Terima kasih Ya Allah.

Today I've received quite a bad news, eh two bad news (or bad feeling like that). The first one, I dont think I nailed the interview. Usually when I was so happy coming out from interview room, feeling so happy and easy, I wont get accepted. If I feel the palpable tension or intense after interview, i will likely to get it. Serious lah, macam masa Proton dulu, happy sangat rase macam dapat, tetapi itu semua penipuan perasaan. Kahkah. K so it's safe to say goodbye to P********, tho sayanglah i miss the opportunity. :(

Kemudian you know this feeling, when your 'dent' introduce you to his friend, that means, you are indirectly rejected. LOL its like you are never on his list. Oh no I feel so silly upset over something that I've never had. Okay, ini pun besar besar kite tulis BYE. :(

Tetapi. Jeng jeng jeng. At the end of the day, I've got THE BEST NEWS EVER. Mom asked me to visit strawberry boy because he MISSES me so muchhhhhh. Mom said he asked her to read my card, and kept saying I laff Piyana, I laff Piyana. And when the guard called house, he was saying "It's Piyana?" but its not me. Oh no, now I've been thinking what should I bring him if I'm about to visit strawberry boy? Yeayyyyy. Hip hip hoooorayyyyyyyy. Ya Allah thank you so much Ya Allah dengan kasih dan rahmat yang Kau limpahkan padaku ini. Permudahkanlah urusanku. Jangan la bila ku melawatnya tiba tiba dia dah lupa diriku. Gembirakanlah dan ubatilah rindunye bila dia jumpa aku nanti.

Terima kasih ya Allah.

Sebelum tidur, akhirnya aku gembira. A very very tiny happy thing that happened at the end of day could topple down thousands of shiddy thingy that happened earlier of the day. How great is that huh? Terima kasih sekali lagi Tuhanku, kerana menemukan aku lagi dengan manje boy, strawberry boy, Piyana boy sayaaaa.